When we quit sabotaging intimacy in our relationships by demanding unconditional love, we discover something much greaterthe deeply satisfying, transformational love that is companionship.In these pages psychologist Kelly Flanagan shows how each of us has within ourselves, exactly the way we are, the gifts that are needed to cultivate the life-long relationships we are longing for, whether it is within marriage or friendship. He shows us how self-knowledge leads the way to growing in love for both God and others. He shows us how understanding our own loneliness can help us relieve the pressure on our companions. And he shows us how understanding our own psychological and emotional defenses can help us to make the choice to love more vulnerably.More than a marriage book, this is a companionship book. Anyonefrom single young adults to elderly married couples, from the divorced to the widowed, from siblings to friendscan benefit from the wisdom it uncovers about what it means to be human and to be true companions.Groups, couples, and individuals can use the companion study guide for five sessions on how to show up in your most important relationships.

Kelly Flanagan is a clinical psychologist and is the founder of Artisan Clinical Associates, a private practice in Naperville, Illinois, offering services to teens, adults, couples, and families. The author of The Marriage Manifesto and Loveable, he has also written for publications such as Christianity Today, Reader's Digest, and Huffington Post. In 2014, a letter he wrote to his daughter led to their appearance on the TODAY Show. Flanagan is a popular blogger and speaks regularly on topics related to marriage, parenting, and spiritual formation. He lives in Dixon, Illinois, with his wife, Kelly, and their three children.

Foreword by Ian Morgan Cron
What You Need to Know
Part 1: Grow QuietBefriending Your Loneliness
A Letter to My WifeBefore We Belong to Each Other, I Must First Belong to Myself
1. Abandonment Is Not Loneliness
2. Neither Is Shame
3. Nor Is Isolation
4. A Cautionary Note About the Digital Crowd
5. You Are a Great and Precious Thing
6. So Learn How to Be Alone
7. Maybe Even Find God in It
8. And Let Someone Stand with You for a While
A Letter to My WifeYou Are My Destination
Part 2: Grow StrongEmbracing Your Struggle
A Letter to My WifeLove Goes the Long Way
9. Observe Your Protections
10. Anger
11. Peacefaking
12. Certainty
13. Yessing
14. Competition
15. Withdrawal
16. Fixing
17. Helicoptering
18. And Excitement
A Letter to My WifeThank You for the Moments Between the Magic
Part 3: Grow OldCherishing Your Time
A Letter to My WifeThe Whole Thing Is Inconceivable
19. Time Isn't Money, It's Mortality
20. And Remember, Bodies Matter
21. So Go Elderly Slow
22. Fear (Not) Missing Out
23. Laugh Out Loud
24. Let Your Memories Gather
25. Rust into Something Beautiful
26. And Trade Your Strength with Each Other
27. Until Death Do You Part
A Letter to My WifeA Timeless Reunion
Acknowledgments
Notes